A few things I've made up over the years. I've never actually set these to music. Maybe that's a good thing.
17Feb1986. Try this in the style of ZZ Top's "La Grange."
Low Fat Gal
I got a low fat gal,
a pickup at the local Seven-Eleven.
Walked into the store,
seen all them gals standin' behind the door.
They keepin' cool,
all lined up and checkin' me out.
Just waitin' around
for a man to come and take 'em away.
Give my money to the man,
I tell him his gals don't come cheap.
He just keep right on smilin'.
Make my choice and we go on home.
Still cool, me and my gal
we don't say a word, just quench my thirst.
Gonna make me strong,
build my body twelve big ways.
'Nother week gone by,
that gal ain't around no more.
Gotta go on down
pick me up another low fat gal.
(...I had just bought a gallon of low-fat milk.)
07Aug1994
Noplace Else
If, perchance, I'd grown up in France
they'd probably have made me learn to dance.
If I were Italian, I'd vote for a battalion
of governments, once or twice a year.
If I were British, I wouldn't speak Yiddish
(Doesn't that line make you feel kinda skittish?)
I look upon Spain with some disdain.
I've heard so much about their rain.
In Singapore, it's such a bore.
(The pain of cane is mainly in the brain...)
In the Sudan, I'd have a great tan
but I couldn't watch David Letter-man.
If I were a Scot, when the weather gets hot
ventilated shorts would be all I've got.
Tierra Del Fuego — hell, Pago-Pago!
(Who wants to live there? They won't rhyme.)
(Chorus)
America, you've got it all, God shed his grace on thee.
Conspicuous consumption, it sounds all right to me.
Our legal system sometimes does no justice to its name
But there's noplace else that I would rather be.
07Aug1994
Point Of View
(spoken introduction): "A musician once told me that the only other member of his band was God. Now, I figured that was either because God didn't want to split the tips too many ways, or maybe he figured God had plenty of equipment they could use. I started thinking of the advantages of playing a solo act, and late that night I wrote this."
Sometimes people wonder where my band is;
the lights come up and they don't see the rest.
They wonder if there's any hidden reason,
but I tell 'em that I'm workin' with the best.
My band is always following my tempo —
they're never playin' in a different key.
When we make mistakes it's all of us together,
so it sounds as if we meant for it to be.
(chorus) You ain't thinkin' from my point of view.
You don't understand what I'm tryin' to say.
But I know, if the foot was in the other shoe
That sooner or later you'd write this song someday.
I never have to teach 'em my arrangements;
they never say I wrote a chord down wrong.
And even if I blow it on the changes,
they seem to a good job on the song.
My roadies take good care of my equipment,
they treat it just as if it were their own.
If they screw it up they know I'll lose my temper —
I'll yell louder in the mirror when we're home.
(repeat chorus)
They're ready at a moment's notice;
they don't complain if I don't wanna work.
And even though I never pay 'em nothin',
I've never heard 'em say that I'm a jerk.
When people ask me why I'm working solo,
and how come I don't have a bigger band,
I tell 'em that I only need one spotlight,
and that I never have to share a hand.
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